The “S” Word and Motherhood… (it’s selfishness)

desperateI know I am selfish.  I know that I didn’t even understand the depth of my selfishness until I had children.  Then I tried to not be selfish.  I tried to go cold turkey on all things self-serving so that I could minister to and love my children.  It drained me; depleted me; and left me feeling a little on empty.  But I felt (feel) so blessed and honored to even have babies to hold in my arms, that I knew I would always choose them and push forward even if I did it poorly.  At the same time, the drained spirit isn’t one that can offer much.  So I’ve learned a few tricks on how to ‘let go’ and squash the self-inflicted guilt.  I’ve learned to replenish my spirit so that I can give the love and make the choice to be intentional with my kids.

my thoughts inspired by the book….

continue the book

The Beginning of Motherhood (parenthood)

At the onset of motherhood every new thing that you experience is amazing.  The first smile, the first, giggle, the first steps…you cherish them.  Then the smiles become normal.  The steps become walking- then running- and now you’re chasing.  But you’re still so enchanted with young motherhood that sacrificing your sleep and sanity is a pleasure (or maybe you’re just so tired you don’t know any better).

Oh, I wish every giggle meant the same to me as the very first that passed through the lips of my sweet babies.  To be honest, one of my children snorts when she laughs and another laughs at her most nonsensical jokes (that she’s constantly sharing with us all).  And now some days I find myself working really hard to enjoy those moments and see the treasure of their youth.

Being selfless is easy at first.  Then the newness wears off, the reveling fades and it gets much harder.

Sarah Mae says that she chose to be intentional.  She chose to be faithful.  She chose her children.  She didn’t do it alone either.  We’re not made selfless.  She asked God to give her the strength and don’t ya know what happened… He did just that.

God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6
Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you;  be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Feed Your Spirit

Sarah knew that in order to be able to choose her children and be intentional with them that she had to feed herself.  A true spiritual filling was required.

  • Be in the word
  • Find some time for yourself to unwind, exercise, work on a hobby, etc. (recharge)


via davidmgiles@ flickr

Today I read a reference (not from Sarah Mae’s book) to 911 friendships that described a supportive friendship where women encourage, challenge, support, uplift, affirm, and keep each other accountable to like-mindeness.  Feed yourself with a 911 friendship!  Go get coffee once a month or once a week with a group of 911 friends.  Women need to talk to people who have a double digit number for their age!

Here are some of my favorites from ch. 7 (from Sarah Mae)

  • Day in and day out we give to our children, and it’s a privilege to do so.  I’m thankful for the opportunity to pour into my children, but when we choose to give the best of ourselves to them, we will need a break, or we will break.  Pg 84
  • I needed God, space, nurturing, time, and cupcakes. With sprinkles. Pg. 84
  • The opposite of humility is pride. And it is my own pride that keeps me from doing the hard things and giving up myself for the sake of my children. Pg 81

Do you have a hard time giving up yourself and sacrificing for the sake of your children or do you struggle with the replenishment of your spirit? What’s your strategy?

Lori signature

The posting was inspired by the book Desperate, Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson (Chapter 7).      Read along with me!

Titles, headings and the like have not been taken from the book.


4 thoughts on “The “S” Word and Motherhood… (it’s selfishness)

  1. Lately I’ve been so focused on my little one’s health and mine that I haven’t taken anytime to recharge. My tank is empty but there is a personal guilt to the thought of recharging because I’m needed by a recovering three year old, a new baby, and a husband. Recharging is something I’m still figuring out. Finding focus, trusting God, being present is work but work well worth it.

    • Ashley- and I know you have to want to recharge too. Sometimes that alone takes a tremendous amount of energy.–not sure if that’s applicable to you or not but I’ve definitely been in that place. But what can we offer when our tank is empty? It’s so hard. I’ll be praying for you and your family (as always). Hoping today is a better day for your health.

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