A reader asked me if my miscarriage, followed by an immediate pregnancy caused me any emotional guilt as the grief was replaced with a new joy, new baby. In answering her question I let her know that my grief was replaced by fear for the new baby’s survival. Joy was there but it was always just under the surface of the overwhelming fear. My fear had me tied up in knots. It gripped me with each trip to the bathroom. It crept into each thought of health and nutrition and how I was providing the best environment for our newest dream to grow. It weighed me down as I tried to navigate my physical environment and every bump my body encountered (I even called the dr. when my husband hit a pot hole while driving). But now that I think about it, the grief was never gone really. It still exists. Eleven years later my eyes still well up with the memory of that little bean.
But It Doesn’t Mean My Grief Weighs Me Down Anymore
Last weekend my Mister and I watched What to Expect When You’re Expecting (the movie). The movie depicts several women with infertility issues, an unplanned pregnancy, adoption, surprise pregnancies and even a miscarriage. Though I know the story is fictitious, my eyes brimmed over with emotion as the unplanned pregnancy was lost. I still grieve even as I watch someone else’s ‘fake’ story. Perhaps the tears are a gift though. Tears that say “I feel your pain; I know your pain; I’m here for you; I weep for you.” It’s empathy and understanding.
You see, even the girl who didn’t want to be pregnant fell in love with the little miracle she held in her womb. Young, unmarried, and the result of a one night fling, the baby became a dream and part of her life. I know miscarriage isn’t ‘as hard as it gets’ and I’ve seen friends lose babies they’ve held in their arms for months. Their dream became reality, and then reality was shattered.
Everyone has a story. I’m writing my story so that I might walk alongside you; a woman who has walked down a path not of her own choosing. I’d like to let you know that the gift of the pain, someday will be empathy. It will allow you to walk alongside someone else. All things can be used for good with God. And ultimately, God is the one who will walk alongside you at every step.
Have you had a time that allowed you to empathize for someone else? If you have, it’s a great way to turn your trials into more than just pain. I pray that you’d be connected with someone that needs you. If you’re still in the throes of it all, let me know if I can help.
Thanks for making it to the blog today. I share about my story once a week.Please return next week for the continuation of my infertility story. You can start from the beginning of the story by clicking here or going to the tab at the top titled Infertility Story.